he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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