woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
