GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
