youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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