I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You ruined the universe
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
