I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My pussy is not your playground.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
