naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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