she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
