he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
