Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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