We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
