Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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