I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
