I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
