i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
