God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my shit smells like andre
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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