Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Farmville is her only friend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
