this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think my mom watched the whole time
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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