Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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