well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
