Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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