You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
