I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
