We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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