new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
