Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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