we're blogging at a bar
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
