community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you had me at cake vodka
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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