Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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