i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
