Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
