so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
