i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
