I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
