Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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