If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
