I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
