i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
