my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
