I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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