I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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