My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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