3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is Oprah even human
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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