Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
