ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
