Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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