oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
