I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
