I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Watching her eat just hurts me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
