Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A+ Viking dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
