You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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