Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
